11 december 2009
"It'll change your life".
Before going to sleep last night, I took my Malaria meds - as I do every Thursday night - with the silly hope of spending a night lost in a particularly vivid state of dreams. Tonight fit the bill.
Just before awaking i was giving my friend Penny a MSU postcard. On it there was the MSU tower (MSC - Michigan State College), the one that sits in the football stadium parking lot, lingering in a sky filled with bright pinks and fading out to a blue clearer than that of the Mediterranean Sea. Colors so distinct and distinguished, painting the sky only to find themselves meeting a backdrop of a small cluster of mountains in the distance (Thank you, Rwanda. This is where we see how this country is finding ways to creep into my heart - Lord knows MSU is flatter than a 12 year old late bloomer). But as I held up this postcard to my friend Penny, originally from Colorado herself, her eyes light up as she found similarities between the new landscape and that of the one she calls home. Her hands let the postcard drop and there we were - wandering in a Michigan winter wonderland.. with the same sun-setting sky, a water-color pallet spilled out before us, and even the mountains found their way from Rwanda into the home of my dreams. On the ground there must have been a foot and a half of snow - but not the slippery kind that somehow seeps through your "waterproof" boots to soak up your socks and freeze your little tootsies, no it's the powdered sugar kind that on a windy day gives you the illusion of being trapped in a snow globe or on a calm day simply dusts the Earth she sits on. My dream, the best of all my worlds.
As we stand together, taking in the setting, Penny and I, with our eyes big and our hearts warm, I find that am reminiscing about this past summer.
"You've got to work at KP for one summer at least"
I tell her.
And then
my lips let out a whisper
"It'll change your life".
I awake.
Sometimes my consciousness - or lack thereof in this state of dreams - does that, it betrays me - letting the secrets of my mind, heart, and soul, pass out into the world of "real"ity.. waking my roommates who the next day laugh and tease me for once again talking in my sleep. This time it was me they awoke, but I am grateful for it because here I am typing, hoping to remember, now 3:32am... the result of a dream that has woken me with a bursting heart and a mind full of ideas.
I am sure you've all picked up on the references I've made to KP in my past emails and updates. What you may not know is what exactly KP is.
KP stands for Kingsley Pines - but those acronyms come with a punch.
The K isn't just Kingsley and the P isn't just pines.
Those two letters represent the most magical summer of my life.
KP is
- trees as tall as the eye can see
- fields of on going green
- a lake that in the same summer will chill you to the bone and warm you like a bath
- a white beach parking lot of boats in every size and shape
- a lodge that holds the nostalgia of that of a National Park, the smell of a wooden stove and that of an old library (together, but separate), and the heart of thousands who have passed through its doors
- imagination that literally matches (and often exceeds) that of Walt Disney or Dr. Susse
- baseball games that extend well into the dinner hour
- sunsets beyond even my most wild of dreams
- nights when every star in the sky is worth making a wish on
- the fullest of full moons, waltzing on the calm waves of Panther Pond
- enough friendship bracelets and string to tie a lasso around that moon and pull it down to Earth, just because you asked me to
- so much bad pop music that inspires the best of dance moves
- biffy walls that have heard more genuine laughs and tears than any cinema
- chocolate-filled chocolate chip cookies that melt not only in your mouth, but also in your hand
- musicals and reflections nights that give everyone the opportunity to safely unlock the door to their heart for all to see the beauty, the pain, the talent, the emotion and the wisdom inside
- children - of all corners of the world, who arrive with all of their languages, cultures and insecurities and who leave with a trunk full of memories, tie-dye, more bumps and bruises than a spilled bushel of apples but a confidence that will stand against any bully that the future may hold
- a staff - a collection of the most talented people you'll ever meet, also coming from all corners of the world, who arrive broke - like it's nobody's business - from living the life of a college student - throughout the summer though, some of us realized that we arrived at KP broke in other ways as well.
- broke in ways we hadn't even noticed before - in ways we couldn't notice before - because so many people in this world are, and go about their lives totally unaware of their own state of brokenness. Somehow, it slips through the cracks, literally, and seeps into our hearts where it is naturalized, where a state of brokenness becomes the norm.
Some of us, we arrived with little chips in our shoulder left by a society that tells us we're too big, too small, too fat, to slim, too slow, too hairy, too straight, too gay. We're too religious or too free. Too poor, too prude, too loose, too uneducated, we have too few friends, too many freckles, too this, too that. We showed up with hearts full of deep wounds, some were fresh, maybe left there by a recent love - someone we'd left behind to distance ourselves from over the summer with hopes of establishing that emotional space as well - while others were the results of hurt that had been caused by the own-worst-critic critiques of ourselves or those engrained in us by others over the years. Either way, we too arrived, with our duffles packed -too- full of their own unwanted baggage - or at least I did.
As time passed though, something happened.
I'm not sure if it was thanks to the entire month of June, but maybe all of that rain began to wash it away.
Or maybe like our clothes, those thick layers of insecurities, began to strip off. We found ourselves floating naked in a lake of the most beautiful, natural friendship - a friendship whose origins are unlike any of those in the outside world. At KP, one lives in nature, not just amongst the trees and the loons but amongst a group of people free to discover and be themselves. A group of individuals, such as myself, who had spent far too many years building up that thick skin but who found that their defenses could be left to fall by the way-side - for who needs protection in the safest place on Earth? And new callouses - the reflection of walking around barefoot, or of holding your canoe paddle - fun, physical activities - which should be the only reason for thick skin - started to grow in their place.
And so we too, at the end of the summer, we left with our luggage full of tie-dye and memories, bumps and bruises - but they were no longer inside, hiding from the world's eye, they covered our skin, from falling in a game of capture the flag, or from slipping on the dock at Nubble Pond, and our hearts, as we packed them up too, we found that they'd been renewed, they beat with more pep in their step than they'd ever seen before - and all of those cracks, they'd been stitched up with a thread of friendship - and self-love - a thread so strong that it too, would stand up against any bully that the future may hold.
And so I sat here in bed after waking from this dream, this dream about this place that "will change your life" and I reflect on the validity of that statement and on all of the other places and people I have encountered who have helped me to become the person I am today - and whose love and support will help me to become the person I aspire to be tomorrow.
And I find that I can't sleep because I am so excited.
I am so excited for the future
and determined to leave my mark here in Rwanda.
I want to start a library.
I will find a way to make it happen.
If you know you have a stack of old children's books somewhere tucked away in your basement, I invite you to dust them off and donate them to the children of Rwanda - children who've never even set foot in a library.
You know, we often have a tendency to romanticize the past and remember it as better than it actually was, but receiving 2 letters from KP friends yesterday (making that probably nearing a dozen or so in the 2 months that I've been in Rwanda), letters full of pictures that show the love words fail to describe, and the reminders of friendships so strong that they not only endure the difficulties of distance, but rather excel, they prove that this summer was not just a mess of memories that I am making out to be better than they truly were, but that this summer was really so spectacular and soul shaking that it is not only woven into my memories but into my heart and all of my being as well.
"friendship is the glue that binds us together here at Kingsley Pines"
---------------
Friday - just before noon.
All of my friends here don't understand why I felt the need to write for 2 hours between 3 and 5 am. They can't.
BUT
Today was like Christmas. Maybe this was another reason for my emotional excitement last night. We've received our placements!!
I will be going to live in Kagogo - "a small village or site" according to the map. It is just about as far north as one can go while still being in Rwanda. I have the Ugandan border just a skip to the North, Lake Burera to the South and East (hopefully only minutes from my home which I will receive more details about on Monday), and the Parc National des Birunga - the national park with all of the volcanos right to the East - maybe they'll be visible from my school. Who knows? The other national park with the gorillas isn't far at all either. I am so happy (as long as those volcanos don't become active!), but I had hopes of being placed in the North and near water and goodness, I bet it'll be beautiful. More good news is that two of my close friends here, Penny and Katy, are just on the other side of the lake - maybe within bike-riding distance. I can't wait to get my bike! I will be sure to give more details (will I have water, electricity, is the house furnished, ect?) as they arrive and next Thursday we will leave for Kigali. Friday we will have free time to go around and scope out prices for things we'll need to get to make our house a home, Saturday we'll be sworn in as official PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers) and we'll return to Nyanza on Monday. Holy cow.
Peace Corps Volunteers. Peace Corps Rwanda. That's awesome.
Amahoro
Nicole Gaunt
US Peace Corps
PO Box: 5657
Kigali, Rwanda
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