future plans with Cono

you teach them music, and i'll teach them love

i found where the sidewalk ends & kept going anyway

most people wouldn't check weather.com and find that an 18 degree day (that feels like 11) is a perfectly fine day to go out for a known-to-be at least a mile.5+ walk.

most people also wouldn't move to Alaska in the middle of January either.

so I bundled up,

wool socks

under armour leggings

blue jeans

tshirt

micro-fleece pull over

fleece jacket

down jacket

head band

scarf

boots

mittens & a spare pair just incase

I'm overheating now just thinking about it.

Stepping outside I soon realized I didn't really need all of those layers, what I truly needed was a pair of sunglasses! The sun bounced so brightly off of the snow, I had to squint the whole way way to 15th Ave. where I was able to turn west. If you know me, you know that telling me to walk North, East, South or West for me would be like standing me on my head, spinning around counterclockwise in a room full of mirrors and expecting me to know left from right. (I don't think it'd even have to be that complicated). Anyway, the only reason I can tell East from West here is because I know the mountains are in the East & the water is to the West. That helps to keep me turned right side up.

Anyway, I'd googled my walking directions to mid-town before leaving but google warned me that the walking directions were in beta form & that there might not actually be sidewalks where they said SO. I wasn't very surprised to quickly find myself standing at the end of the plowed snow path looking ahead off of a huge, slippery hill. Either that (& I didn't bring my sled today) or walk against oncoming traffic on the even slipperier road OR *winner* venture down the beautiful wooden staircase just to my left. I knew I wanted to go right, but sometimes going left is the only way to get there (or at least in one piece!).

So this never ending staircase brought me down to the coastal path which I took through a couple of tunnels until I had to ask a skier passing by which way to town. Trick question, I guess both paths could've gotten me there, it just depended on if I wanted to take the longer or shorter route. Being that it was somethingbelowfreezingout, I opted for the shorter path.

up

up

up

I walked on the sidewalk alongside the road.

By the time I actually reached my destination, I'd worked up such a sweat that I started peeling layers off as quickly as they'd come! I spotted the cafe I wanted to visit but was too embarrassed by my hot-mess of a condition to set foot inside, let alone trying drink a warm beverage, so I decided to check out a store just down the way.

GrassRoots, a fair trade store.

Holy cow!

Do you have any products specifically from Rwanda?

I'd hoped they did when I spotted a huge map of the world with pins & strings coming off of it in all different directions from all different countries all over the world.

Do you have paper beads?

Do you have elephant poo journals?

The answer to all of these questions: YES.

I fell in love immediately.

beads & baskets

paper bowls & bracelets

belts & butterflies

my eyes couldn't take in all of the fabulous, worldly, hand-made creations quickly enough.

the textures, the colors, the wax prints that brought me home to Africa,

the recycled paper cards & the recycled fabrics bags

wow.

I stumbled upon a hand-woven belt made in Guatemala that just couldn't pass it up.

Yes, the price on these items is steep

(& I felt very glad to have purchased my own paper-bead necklaces and other hand-made jewelry in Rwanda & Uganda while I had the chance)

but the price of these products allows women who'd otherwise be unable to support themselves and their families to provide for their loved ones.. & that, well that's worth the [peace] of mind that comes with spending a few extra dollars for such one-of-a-kind treasures.

I spoke with the kind woman working the register (who must have been tired of all of my questions) & we got on the topic of the future. I told her about having served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Rwanda (and about having gone white-water rafting on the Nile in Jinja, Uganda - where the store's paper-bead necklaces were from) and mentioned that I was now serving as an AmeriCorps Volunteer in Alaska with a feeling in my heart that somehow it would get me back to Africa. She asked what my interests were in Africa, what I wanted to do. I told her I wasn't quite sure - some kind of non-profit NGO work be it starting a girls school, working at an orphanage, I didn't know & was open to suggestions. With that she stated that the store's owner was actually hoping to start a program to educate individuals who were interested in going into developing nations, particularly in Africa, on how to start vocational programs - programs like the paper bead one, where you train women on how to perform a skill, producing a product that could then be marketed & sold in other parts of the world (America, Europe, ect). Of course the skill would depend on the community, the woman mentioned that in one village in Uganda it was helping to establish a bakery, it all depends on the interests, resources & needs of individual villages.

Uh.. SIGN ME UP!

I told her I'd love to meet with the store owner to discuss this idea further, we exchanged contacted information & I left saying that I'd soon be back and that I was super excited. I mean - who knows what will come of a conversation, if anything, with this woman - but even having the idea of participating in vocational training programs abroad, that's even a start right there! Another avenue to consider!

This stuff gets my gears turning!

I did eventually cool off & enjoy a warm cup of "zen chai" at the Middle Way Cafe. I picked up a job application there as well. The man who gave me the application told me "we're always looking for good people".

we're good people, I thought to myself, as I sat down & wrote out letters and postcards to some friends.

we're good people, you're good people.

it's amazing how much brighter the world seems when you have a sunshine ray of hope in your heart.

ps. tomorrow I get to move into my own room - awesome!

a call to Kagogo

about the new PCV in my village;

the new teacher is doing well

but he's not as sharp as you

you were courageous,

interacting with lots of people

people are still appreciating of you..

your character & his character are totally different

be patient, I tell Director Johnson, reminding him that I too was very shy when I first arrived in Kagogo.

he continues;

when are you getting married?

us africans are interested in celebrations like that

i laugh it off.

ohmygoodness, do i miss Africa.

sick days, kindness & chances to explore

I called mom on the way to work this morning to wish her good luck with her chemo today,

she got all motherly on me & said that she didn't like hearing me sounding so sick & that she didn't want me walking to work alone in the dark

I reassured her that the sky was beginning to illuminate behind the mountains in the east - the days are slowly getting longer & longer and on a day like this, where the sky was clear, that's when you can really tell the difference.

& as far as being sick goes, I told my mom not to worry (she was the one getting chemo - & she's worried about me? goodness!). I told her that my new boss is a mom too & that I trusted her to send me away if she thought I was too ill to work today.

By the time I made my 25 minute trek across town to our office building, I wanted to collapse. I walked in & sure enough, as soon as I said hello, my boss was on the phone trying to find me a doctor in town. She called the other woman working in our office & told her that she'd be taking me to the doctors this morning.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to cry out of gratitude.

This woman cares,

I'm not used to that.

I hated my most recent job, hated it.

I hated how it was all about money, all about sales & budgets.

I hated how even if you were sick, you were expected to report to work unless you could find a sub to cover your shift.

This woman shut down the entire office just to make sure that my health was seen to.

I wanted to cry

but I didn't.

Instead I said "thank you".

I think she could sense the gratitude in my eyes,

she responded "I'd hope that someone would do this for my daughter if she was sick".

& with that I was off to the doctors and the pharmacy with a heart overflowing with appreciation. Had I been merely turned away, I would've spent the day in bed - I still don't really understand how to navigate the bus system & I don't know any doctors in town.. I would have felt helpless.

But I didn't because I was taken to the doctors.

She cares, and that means the world to me.

The doctor told me it's likely a virus (everyone in our house & around town seems to be catching this) and recommended some medicines to help me deal with the symptoms. When I was dropped off at home after going to the pharmacy, the sun was out and the 20-something degree air felt warm. I took some pills which seemed to help & decided that what I needed most was to get some fresh air & to treat my soul to a bit of sunshine so I pulled on a light jacket & went for a walk.

I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I knew that I was headed west, towards the water.

I passed by a school where children were going in circles around the playground on skis.. on skis wearing t-shirts! No jackets, t-shirts! But I soon understood as I felt my body temperature rise with the sunshine & simple act of walking.

I wandered about almost hoping to spot another moose - I saw one this morning on our way home from the doctors.

Here the moose seem more like decorative lawn ornaments than like the enormous, powerful creatures that they truly are. Laying about like ceramic deer figurines we see in neighbors of the lower 48, you'd think someone had placed them around town if you saw where the showed up - by the bank drive-through or planted near a parking lot at the cemetery in the middle of town. It's unreal. Truly unreal.

But - no moose. Not this time.

Eventually I'd made enough right turns for the bay to come into view.

Wow.

Most days it seems a haze or clouds hang over the city & mountains, but not today.

Across the bay the sleeping lady mountain was clearly in view.

I'd heard rumors about this woman who fell asleep waiting for her lover to return but this was my first time seeing her myself. I was very impressed by her loyalty & found her legend to resemble that of the sleeping bear dunes in Michigan although my memory is a bit blurry and the only thing they might actually have in common is the whole "sleeping" thing.

Just to the left of the sleeping lady I saw what appeared to be mountain-shaped clouds only to realize that they were truly mountains -in- the clouds. The peaks of the Alaska range floated like a castle in the sky, I'd never seen anything like it before. The mountains in Rwanda were so rounded, the mountains here though are anything but. Very jagged, they pierce the sky with their sharp white peaks. It was beautiful & left me standing in awe on the costal trail as others passed by on their cross country skis.

When clouds started to appear in the sky, I decided it was time to turn around & head home. Here I feel guilty spending precious moments of sunshine inside when I know my heart craves the light just as much as the rest of my body. So I made my way back across town & followed the eastern mountains home again. The rest of the day was spent curled up on the couch with my book soaking up the remaining sun through the window or in bed, trying to sleep away this bug.

I think it's time to take some nyquil & call it a night.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be well enough to make it back to work again, fingers crossed.

xo

the alaska range

the sleeping lady

too much soy sauce

we all know that cooking for one sucks, right?

i mean - there's no way to go to the store and buy

-half- a red pepper

1 cup of flour

just enough mushrooms to cover 1 dinner salad

society, super markets (!) have something against the solo eaters.

well,

let me tell ya

cookin' for 3 ain't no cup o'tea either!

I learned to cook in a village

over a charcoal stove

with about 5 main ingredients

beans, potatoes, onions, garlic, salt

I was told during training that when cooking - the more of #'s 3 & 4 you threw in that pot, the better.

& that's the way it was!

And even if my creative oh-what was it tonight? bean soup? bean stew? potatoes & beans? beans & potatoes? - didn't turn out just right, well shoot. who cares? I was the only one who had to eat it.

well,

when you're cooking for 3 - these rules of more, more, more or free stylin' to your taste bud delights just don't seem to cut it. no way.

tonight I wanted to curl up under the table & never come out

or crawl away like an ashamed dog, with my tail between my legs.

what was I thinking??

tonight's dinner was meant to be a veggie stirfry with tofu.

the tofu - which I'd never even prepared before didn't even turn out half-bad.

(it wasn't really half-good either though)

but the veggies,

ohmygoodness

why didn't ANYONE tell me that the veggies don't necessarily have to be drowing in the deep end of a pool of soy sauce?

why didn't ANYONE tell me it would've been okay for them to just dip their toes into a soy sauce puddle?

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

2/3 a bottle later

no,

not a bottle

a JUG

a hugeass JUG later

& I can't believe my roommates even TRIED to eat the ocean of sodium slopping around their plates!

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

I was so embarrassed,

they were too kind

& fortunately our friend Laura made a pretty sweet apple crumble thing I still can't even remember the name of (crumble? cobbler?? a pile of heaven on a plate?)

what was I thinking?

but again,

1st time American cooker in the kitchen - you would've thought someone would've been looking out for my (or at least *their*) best interests with a little novice supervision.

too much soy sauce

& what did I do with the left over saltly saturated veggies

& the now mostly empty JUG of soy sauce?

the veggies went for a joy ride into the rubbish bin

& as for that JUG of soy sauce

I hid it away, behind the other - much larger jugs - on top of the refrigerator

never to be seen or spoken of again.

the innocent vegetables didn't see it coming

don't be fooled

they're suffocating in sodium

(& so our our insides)

on a higher note,

my new supervisor is amazing.

today she gave me a headband she crocheted by hand

I have so many beautiful hand-made & love given gifts to keep me warm up here.

thank you!

home sweet home

i am not a recipe person

quinoa parsley salad

- 1 cup uncooked quinoa

- olive oil

- lemon juice

- sea salt

- 1 bunch of parsley

- a few jumbo black olives

- 1 medium/large tomato diced

- a bit of onion chopped

- a couple of garlic cloves in ittybitty pieces

rinse, then cook quinoa (in 2 cups water, bring to boil - then let simmer until water is fully absorbed)

chop up veggies

when quinoa is done, stir in a bit of olive oil & lemon juice

mix veggies in a bowl, stir in lemon juice & sea salt

mix all together in larger bowl - add lemon juice & sea salt to taste

refrigerate overnight & enjoy

there's about 364 ways to get wherever you want to go.

trust me,

I've taken them all

I thought to myself on my way to work today.

I don't follow footsteps of my past,

weaving my path in & out of streets i've never walked

across roads i've never crossed.

nobody said it was easy

no one ever said it would be this hard

I'm filled with temporary doubt

(temporary I hope)

this 1st day, it was absolutely overwhelming

I don't know if I can do it.

I don't know if I am strong enough

but it seems like my boss believes in me

I don't want to let anyone down.

I want to do great

but I feel so in over my head.

I need to find my balance,

something to stand for.

on my way to work this morning, I found myself dedicating my service to Adeline. This service is for her because in way or another it will get me back to her, back to the girls of Africa.

silly I moved to Alaska to make that happen, but I truly think deep down that it will.

this is the path I chose,

or rather that has been chosen for me

& I just need to trust

that it will get me where I'm meant to be.

nesting, little bird.

Eating Animals Cont.

I feel like picking a fight about vegetarianism.

made from scratch veggie burgers.

laughing yoga

I am about as against fake laughing as they come

& while I know that I have a laugh that reaches the heavens

& pierces the eardrums of all those within a 20 mile radius,

I have never been able to (perhaps it was an unconscious decision to refuse to)

laugh on command.

I woke up to a suggestion from one of my new roomies this morning

asking if I wanted to go to UAA (University of Alaska Anchorage)

this afternoon to try something new;

laughing yoga.

I didn't know what to expect, but I like yoga

& sometimes I like trying something new

so I said sure! why not?

Well, if I'd only known.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Your brain doesn't know the difference between fake & real laughter

(but my heart does)

it's so good for you!

shake hands & laugh as you meet someone

someone stepped in poo & you laugh at their expense

laugh silently to one another

ohmygoodness - other than blind dates,

could anything feel so forced??

so while I did get a hoot outta laughing [at] some of the kooky Alaskans there tonight

I left with my beliefs solidified,

leave the fake laughs for Fran Drescher

& I'll keep on, keepin on my own way.

organically, naturally.

speaking of organic -

tonight my roomie & I had

an introduction to raw, local foods,

shaking the crab-apple trees at UAA

as well as the branches of our neighbors' trees

that peek over the fence & into our reach

as they drop, heavily off of their stems

& onto our heads.

my tummy is full of the bitter taste of crab-apple frozen delights

& I just found some that splattered in my hair,

I only hope that this experiment doesn't come back to pinch my booty as well

tonight:

drag show

moose

so many laughs with our B&B mom

coming up:

art-house film

museum

february - raw food!

alaskans know how to party

i am so thankful to be here.

do you remember when

we first moved in together

the piano took up the living room

no, seriously though,

do you remember when i'd just arrived in Rwanda

& was having a hard time feeling settled

& one day, one of our language trainers said to me

petit a petit l'oiseau fait son nid

well,

tonight i was talking with our B&B mom in her 5 year old daughter's princess play room

& i spotted a beautiful armoire covered in pink puffy paint

but the pink puffy paint actually is in the shape of letters

& the letters actually form words

& the words are actually in french

& i kid you not, what is the first phrase my eyes take in?

petit a petit l'oiseau fait son nid

this is a phrase i'd never heard before Africa;

but these words, the strength of their ensemble;

little by little the bird makes its nest

gave me the strength to preserver.

& while I have been frustrated lately by my living situatuion,

just the unavailability of a room to call my own

(one will open up by the end of the month when one of the guys here moves to Portland)

I have just kept telling myself to be patient,

trust your instinct.

I will get the chance

to hang up my clothes

& tuck them away in a dresser

to put my stars on the ceiling

& pictures on the wall

be patient

I too will get to build my nest

ihangane

petit a petit l'oiseau fait son nid

my heart has a way of taking me in funny directions,

but the little clues like this

tell me I'm on the right track.

this is where i'm meant to be.

Eating Animals

I'm on pg. 57 of Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer & these are ideas and/or quotes i think are worth noting so far:

when was the last time you

touched a pig, chicken or cow

that wasn't dead & cut up?

how much do i value creating a socially comforting situation,

and how much do i value acting socially responsible? p.55

26 POUNDS OF OTEHR SEA ANIMALS WERE KILLED & TOSSED BACK INO THE OCEAN FOR EVERY 1 POUND OF THIS SHIRMP. pg.49

...all male layers (chickens that lay eggs) - half of all the layer chickens born in the United States, more than 250 million chicks a year - are destroyed. pg.48

Animal agriculture makes a 40% greater contribution to global warming than all transportation in the world combined; it is the number one cause of climate change. pg.42

I felt shame for living in a nation of unprecedented prosperity - a nation that spends a smaller percentage of income on food than any other civilization has in human history - but in the name of affordability treats the animals it easts with cruelty so extreme it would be illegal if inflicted on a dog. pg.40

Whether we change our lives or do nothing, we have responded.

To do nothing is to do something. pg.38

What we forget about animals we begin to forget about ourselves. pg.37

factory farming

...a system of industrialized & intensive agriculture in which animals are genetically engineered, restricted in mobility & fed unnatural diets. ... 99% of all land animals eaten or used to produce milk & eggs in the United States are factory farmed. pg. 34

There is something about eating animals that tends to polarize: never eat them or never sincerely question eating them; become an activist or disdain activists. pg. 32 (lord isn't this the truth?)

I'm easy; I'll eat anything" - can appear more socially sensitive than the individual who tries to eat in a way that is good for society. pg. 32

In America, millions of dogs & cats euthanized in animal shelters every year become the food for our food. pg.27

"If nothing matters, there's nothing to save." pg.17

We were honest people who occasionally told lies, careful friends who sometimes acted clumsily. We were vegetarians who from time to time ate meat." pg.9

I know that I have always struggled to answer the question

"Why are you a vegetarian?"

when it inevitably comes up.

(pescatarian, truthfully - I eat fish. although I'm thinking this may quickly change).

my response has always been:

"it's a personal choice".

..which it is. one that I have never tried to impose on others, nor have I ever taken offense to the personal choices my friends & family have made in terms of their meat, or non-meat eating habits.

reading this book though, Eating Animals, I am realizing that maybe my hesitation to become an activist or to defend my dietary decision in any other way was simply due to my own personal ignorance with regards to the issue. I am learning so much about the environment, the treatment of animals - an entirely new way of thinking about animals (because YES, that "steak" or "bacon" or "mcnugget" or "burger" IS or I guess WAS an animal - a creature capable of feeling many of the same sensations & emotions as human-beings *pain, happiness, companionship, ect).

It's just fascinating.

I also love how the author points out how so often, people become VERY defensive when it comes to the issue of vegetarianism. Ignorance is bliss, right? And it seems to be my personal experience that people do not want to hear about the cow that was slaughtered to bring them their $1 double cheese burger or about the chicken who was genetically engineered to grow at such an unnatural rate that its legs broke under the ever-increasing weight & left him suffering until death. it's easier not to think about these things, not to educate ourselves about these issues - so that we can just enjoy our chicken nuggets & go on with our lives.

it's not my place to judge, nor do I mean this as a personal attack on anyone - I'm just digesting (play on topic!) what I'm reading & realizing that yeah, maybe I stopped eating meat to piss off my parents when I was 15, but now I see there's so much more to it, so many more reasons other than the angst of a hormonal teenager to consider vegetarianism as a way of life - for health as well as environmental & overall-earthly-wellness reasons.

at least consider giving the book a go, you might learn a thing or two as well.

Charlie keeps sleeping on your bed waiting for you to return, says dad

(& homesickness ensues)

small steps into adulthood

i told myself i'd never be one of those people who moves out on their own only to fill their tummies with pasta every night.

guess what i had for dinner.

there's been a persistant twitching in my eye throughout the day,

i'm exhausted, jet legged.

here it's 9:30pm,

at home it's 1:30am

my typical bed time.

the change will come though, in the next couple of days i should be on track with the rest of anchorage.

so

before AmeriCorps, i'd

- never paid rent (free room & board as an RA at MSU was amazing but also delayed this necessary evil)

- never grocery shopped (same reason as above - also, I don't count going to the market in Rwanda as "grocery shopping". when you have only 2 choices, beans or potatoes, the decision isn't hard; both. it's not like here where there are 64 different options for jam, all of which are of different flavors, quality (organic? not?) & price. ohmygosh.)

- never opened a bank account for myself

- ect, ect.

here,

i'm learning the value of

- an apple

- a jar of peanut butter

- a lunch

- a bed

- a roof over my head

- a bus ride

- the kindness of strangers

- a warm expression of appreciation

- the patience of experience

- persistence

- a pair of wool socks

- long underwear

with the help of my new roomies, i tackled the isles of the grocery store my first night in town. they helped me to pick out the basics, the bare essentials (peanut butter, jelly, mac&cheese, pasta, oatmeal, cereal) and i left, refusing to allow anyone other than myself the privilege of shlepping the surprisingly heavy bags home from the store, with a great sense of accomplishment.

today, opening up a bank account however, was a whole nother story.

i'd just gone and met the AmeriCorps recruiter (she was great, very kind & welcoming) and planned to go to the mall down the road but told her i was nervous to try and navagate my way around town.

not only am i brand new here,

it's also -10's something out

and i expressed to her my (not so irrational) fear of getting lost & ending up frozen to death whoknowswhere.

she offered me some reassurance & said to call if i ever needed anything, which i thought was very generous of her.

*today, i kid you not, i saw dozens of people walking around without gloves/mittens & i even saw one boy in a t-shirt. a t-shirt!! i must need some thicker skin.

anyway, so i find my way down the street to the mall noticing a warm-looking cafe on my way & enter the Wells Fargo feeling pretty good. (i got from point A to point B - little victory!) i was instantly greeted by several very friendly people who upon hearing that i was there to open a bank account, directed me to have a seat & wait for someone to help me out. a woman soon-after approached me, introduced herself as Maggie and had me step into her office (a chair at the end of the tellers' counter).

it was all down hill from there.

what kind of account would you like?

who do you work for?

checking

savings

maintenance fees

monthly transfer of funds

a register

online banking

interest rates

free checkbooks

account types

bill payments

$75 every month

& on

& on

& on.

at one point, i told Maggie "my head is spinning"

because i kid you not, as this woman was sitting there spewing out bank vocabulary, a completely foreign language to me, i felt the dizziness of a few too many drinks floating through my brain as i sat in the chair across the desk from her & tried to keep down my oatmeal breakfast.

ohmygosh - why is it soo difficult??

poor maggie took pity on me & after finally overcoming my vertigo, i signed the papers, made a couple of deposits & got out the door as quickly as possible.

feeling as though i needed some time to settle down after all the banking chaos, i ducked in and out of a gift store or two and then decided i'd much prefer to sign the massive pile of paperwork the Americorps recruiter had given me in that little artsy-fartsy cafe rather than sitting in the darkness of my new room.

Midnight Sun Cafe

it was everything i'd hoped it to be.

after a bus tour to the mall & back yesterday afternoon, i was starting to think that all of Anchorage was a dirty city & awful architectural remnants of the 70's pipeline era but setting foot in the Midnight Sun cafe felt more like entering a favorite East Lansing coffee house - minus all the hipsters. I felt right at home, claiming a window seat in the front corner of the cafe & ordering a bowl of the lentil soup. I took the opportunity to soak up the afternoon sunshine while it was available - here it's not so much that the sun sets super early, it's that it rises super late (at around 10am). I filled out my paperwork as best i could and loved every minute of the sunshine & earthy feel - finding peace in knowing that i'd have somewhere to come in the future to escape the cold & the dirty grime of the city bustle.

i managed to find my way home no problem. the city is set up like a grid, roads running one way are all letters & the roads running the other way are all numbers (i'm staying on 12th & G).

tomorrow i'm getting up super early to walk, in the darkness, to the public assistance building. i will apply for food-stamps & hopefully do well enough with the interview to receive them. the $320 in my bank account up here won't last me long. then i'll meet with our recruiter again to turn in the paperwork & figure things out a bit more. hopefully i'll have an interview with organizations starting on Friday.

groceries

rent

bank account

baby steps.

baby steps.

also, i loved this;

new plans on your horizon. old boyfriends in your wake.