note to self:

loosen up.

i am embarrassed by how up-tight and highly strung i can be.
at times,
my anxiety shoots through the roof.
i panic if someone is waiting on something (an answer, a time, a number) from me
& i cannot give it to them until i get it from someone else.
i do not like being the middle man with a hot potato of information,
it burns my fingertips
& keeps me on my toes,
unable to settle until the message has been properly delivered.

i set rather high expectations for myself
but hate it when others hold expectations for me.
i don't make promises
i'm afraid that i cannot keep.
i'm very superstitious
& fear jinxing my path or that of others.

sometimes i am unmotivated
but other times, i am so overly motivated
with a dozen different things i want to achieve
but my energy quickly burns up
being torn in so many different directions
& nothing gets accomplished.

is it easier to start a rock rolling
or stop a rolling rock?

i always feel the need to jump in,
taking on too much to drop some later
because i'm afraid that if i take on too little
i will never pick up more.

we get comfortable in the groves of laziness
and little pokes & prods
a new job
a new club
a new hobby
disrupt our current of ease,
only for the water
to roll over the broken surface
& smooth the stones
of change
allowing the flow
of idleness
to continue.

anger.
so concentrated
so focused
so burning blue
boils inside of me
from time to time.

how do i
put out
the fire?

s-t-r-e-t-c-h.
where are my flexible muscles?
bend with the winds
accept unexpected turns
ease into the disruptions
& setbacks

rather than stand
rigid
alone.

arms wide open
to welcome
others
under my wing
to lean
on a friend
in times of need
to adjust
my sails
in times of change

please
r
e
l
a
x.

whisper
your worries
to the dolls
& tuck them
safely
under
your pillow

allow the darkness of night
& the brightness of day
to carry them out into the universe
& free your mind
to the possibility
of every waking moment.

life is so beautiful. enjoy it.