you know you live in Alaska

- when you forget how it is you're constantly surrounded by snow (or you just stop noticing the snow all together) because it's always too cold to actually snow

- when snow-shoe baseball is really a sport, played outside in the middle of February

- when moose decorate lawns & the city like ornamental ceramic deer used in the lower 48

- when the rest of America is referred to (& thought of) as the "Lower 48"

- when anything above 10 degrees is warm enough to go without long underwear

- when anything above 20 degrees is warm enough to drive with the windows down

- when enormous snow blowers suck up the snow on roads, spray it into dump trucks only to haul it across town & use it to cover other roads for dog-sled racing tracks.

- when snowmobiling is known as snow-machining

- when boots are perfectly acceptable bar & dancing footwear

- when you leave the kitchen faucet dripping over night so that the pipes don't freeze

- when you put your food outside when the refrigerator is full

- when hot water is HOT WATER. no messin' around about heat here.

- when children spend their recess doing laps around the playground on skis in tshirts

- when anything people typically do for summertime entertainment in the Lower 48 takes place (& is enjoyed!) outdoors in the middle of the winter.

I have so much to learn.

you haven't moved enough in life to know - the couch will fit anywhere, says my boss.

EXACTLY.

hiking FlatTop Mountain

first friday

is an event held in Anchorage every month during which the art galleries around town open up their shops & provide hors d'oeuvres and wine to the public as they make their way though their gallery & around town.

a night out on the town for sophisticated people minus the bar + rich, (expen$ive), beautiful art

or, as we saw it - a free bar crawl around town in fancy boutiques.

it was pretty awesome!

some grapes here, some crackers & cheese there, some fresh spring rolls here

& free wine everywhere.

(sign me up!)

I really did enjoy it & I do plan to go back and visit some of these galleries when they're not packed front to back, left to right with people. I even spoke with a man at one of them earlier in the afternoon about their "local artist" wall where they feature a different artist each month. Well tonight I got to meet the photographer who's work was on display - and this man working there said I might even be able to get my stuff up on their walls. How cool would that be??

who knows!

so if I were to pick an Alaskan "must have" tshirt, this would be it.

I'm gonna have to get one eventually.

(at octopus ink)

I spent all afternoon walking the Coastal Trail that runs along the Cook Inlet.

The sun is out, the sky is blue.

It's beautiful & so are you.

ah.. I get it now.

being an adult means being able to choose whether or not you want to eat the heels of a loaf of bread

&

getting to stay in bed all day while calling it "working from home"

the hummus i made just now was so damn good, i mean soooooooooooo damn good.

unfortunately so were the cookies left sitting out on the counter.

seriously.

& you seriously need to check out this recipe:

1 can of chickpeas

1/4 cup of chickpea juice (the stuff that you'd normally drain out of the can)

3-5 tbsp lemon juice

1 1/2 tbsp tahini

2 cloves garlic

1/2 tsp salt

2 tbsp olive oil

1 tsp cilantro chopped

Okay - I didn't actually measure out anything for this, just do it to taste!

& I didn't add all of the chickpea juice, maybe just half of what was in the can.

So these are the steps I followed:

in a food processor,

1. toss everything in.

2. blend.

BAM, DONE.

The most INCREDIBLE hummus of your life, right there.

You can thank me later :)

I visited the Anchorage museum today

(free after 3 on Thursdays)

so much history

so many alaskan artifacts

& some awesome art.

I think I'll start going every Thursday after work,

I walk by it on my way home anyway.

holyshit - looks like a 5 YEAR PLAN to me!

AmeriCorps in AK until Jan 2012
Summer Camp (for homeless kids) May - August 2012
Grad school at UofM (MSW - Masters of Social Work) August 2012 - May 2013
PEACE CORPS 2013-2015
Finish Grad School at UofM 2015-2016

then of course:
get married
buy an expensive house
make 2.3 babies
buy 1.4 dogs & .67 cats
drive a big, fancy, gas guzzling car
put up the white picket fence
make lots & lots of $$
retire
die

you know.. carry on with all of those things that will make me "happy"

YEAH RIGHT!

*of course this is all subject to Change (with a capital C) but it's a brainstorm

(which is better than a snow storm)

-&&-

I'd share my alternate plans
but they're so good
& I don't wanna jinx it ;)

The University of Michigan School of Social Work in conjunction with
the Peace Corps is pleased to announce the availability of a
Master’s International (MI) program. The UM-SSW Peace Corps MI
program will allow students interested in working with children and
youth to incorporate 27 months of Peace Corps service into their
MSW program.

hmm...

what could i accomplish if i were able to refocus all of the time & energy i spend [everyday] thinking about Africa, or how I could get back to Africa, into something else?

it'd be huge, i can tell you that for sure.

there's absolutely no reason that grocery shopping should be this stressful.

$145.57 left to get me through the month.

yeah right.

time to start clippin' coupons.

hesitation

hesitation to give it my all

like a child hesitant to swim after falling into the deep end

like a man hesitant to open his fragile heart after having shared it with careless arms.

I gave Rwanda my all

I dove head first into my village

the relationships

the classroom

the hand scrubbing laundry

the undies eating rats

the terrifying kitten

the wordless praise for some kind of higher power

I threw myself in

& left my floaties at shore

and that's just who I am.

that's just what I do.

I lose myself so passionately

so fully

& I come to Alaska

and I go to the grocery store

but.

will I really need all of these kitchen necessities?

I set up a room, I create my nest

but.

will I be forced to pack it all up again tomorrow?

I feel the seeds of friendship being planted

but.

will these just lead to more teary-eyed goodbyes?

And I know there's no guarantees,

Rwanda

& my whole hearted immersion,

I wouldn't have changed or taken back a thing

even if i'd known how unexpectedly & abruptly it was all to end.

That is how I want to live.

That is who I am.

But like you learn not to touch the hot frying pan twice,

my heart is pulling back,

digging its heals into the ground.

Slow down, Nicole.

I haven't even recovered from the last heart break.

This is a rebound,

you're fragile.

Do you really want to do this again?

Can you really put yourself out there again?

Is this really the wisest thing to do?

No.

No, my heart.

I see where you are coming from

and I understand there is still an open wound

but I promise you that I am here with only the best intentions

and that someday that wound, which aches with pain

will be filled once again with love

and that love will heal you

and I believe

I am here

because you can't hear it, but you're telling me

that this is where I'm meant to be.

& this will lead me to that healing love.

You are too crippled to understand,

you cry out too loudly with pain

to hear your own words

which whisper to me in the strangest of ways

in french phrases and in kindness of strangers

that tell me

nicole,

it's okay.

nicole,

trust.

nicole,

it is time to love again.

I can't even watch this entire movie, can you?

& if not, should you really be eating animals?