now & before

small changes I notice between camp 2009 & 2012:

• There is a filter in my mind these days - carefully grown between my brian & my mouth.  I used to be a non-stop running faucet of thoughts, ideas & obscenities.  Now I take a moment to consider "is this helpful or hurtful?" - "how would this make so&so feel if I said this aloud right now?"  That's not to say that things don't slip from time to time - I'm just much better about it these days. 
• I am more aware of my selfishness.  Taking advantage of the "staff door", getting seconds before the campers have the opportunity to do so, etc.  Sometimes I try to justify this with "I need to get back & process photos ASAP" other times I know it's just because I'm impatient.  (Is impatience the same thing as selfishness?) 
• I don't mind going to bed at 10 instead of going out & partying with everyone.  I don't really mind if I "miss out."  Sleeping is important to me.  Being able to function the following day is important to me.  
• I much prefer to spend time with small groups of friends than with everyone all at once.  Quality, not quantity.  I think this is the same with how I am investing my love this summer as well.  
• I'm okay these days with hanging back, letting others have a chance to shine.  I don't need to be the center of attention.  I think it even surprises people more to catch me busting a move at the dances out front on my own rather than inside center stage. 
• I'm here to do a job (& camp does feel much more like a job this time around) rather than for the main purpose of learning, growing & experiencing.  I'm still learning & growing, I'm sure.  That's just not the #1 reason I'm here this summer.  The honeymoon is over, I am earning my paycheck this summer. 
• I'm learning to keep my ego in-check.  I don't need to take every single picture posted on the camp website.  It is OKAY to ask for help.  Getting to all of the activities in a week is not a realistic goal for someone trying to work solo.  What's more important? Me getting all of the credit for camp photos this summer & burning out trying to do so or getting quality photos from multiple people at a reasonable pace?  I needed to check myself when after the 1st week of trying to do it all on my own, I was already feeling like the summer was dragging on for ages.  I asked for help.  I've got it.  We, as a team, are going to get loads of awesome camp photos this summer. 
• I'm still a crap pen-pal.  Still struggling with that.  I'm sorry to those of you who may feel hurt as a result.  It's nothing personal about you or anyone else, it's just a me-thing I can't quite get a grasp on.