4 may 2010

if i cry, it's for the wrong reasons.

cus I'm happy to see my sister

cus I get to visit with my grandma

cus I hear from a friend

I don't cry

because my mom is sick

i feel nothing

if this was anyone else's mom - a friend's, a relative's, I wouldn't be able to hold back the tears

but me, my mother - and i'm a zombie.

emotionless, i sit in the hospital room as i see her face express only a fraction of the pain that must absorb her body

i'm blank.

i'm in america

my mother's sick

my brother lost his job

my sister is heartbroken

my father is pretending to be so strong

and me

i'm here

i'm simply here

physically - yes

emotionally - absent

i seek distractions

boys

music

movies

booze