tell yourself this every day

I am better today than yesterday, and I will be better tomorrow.

Things that were hard in the past are easy now.
That can be the same with anything I do.

Tough parts of my life have become nothing more than stories that I tell people.
This will also happen with whatever challenge and pain I have right now.

I am capable of much more than I think I am.
I am learning that I am not a fixed being, but someone capable of exceeding everyone’s expectations if I choose.

I am better than this. I am meant for more.

I am a champion standing over my former self.

Then, once you believe it, making it happen is easy.

borrowed from: http://inoveryourhead.net/always-think-this-way/

max, the dog.

why don't you bring max to school anymore, my moms students ask.
because my daughter's at home, she says.
you should take her, i say.
no, you need to bond with her before you go, mom insists.

note to self:

loosen up.

i am embarrassed by how up-tight and highly strung i can be.
at times,
my anxiety shoots through the roof.
i panic if someone is waiting on something (an answer, a time, a number) from me
& i cannot give it to them until i get it from someone else.
i do not like being the middle man with a hot potato of information,
it burns my fingertips
& keeps me on my toes,
unable to settle until the message has been properly delivered.

i set rather high expectations for myself
but hate it when others hold expectations for me.
i don't make promises
i'm afraid that i cannot keep.
i'm very superstitious
& fear jinxing my path or that of others.

sometimes i am unmotivated
but other times, i am so overly motivated
with a dozen different things i want to achieve
but my energy quickly burns up
being torn in so many different directions
& nothing gets accomplished.

is it easier to start a rock rolling
or stop a rolling rock?

i always feel the need to jump in,
taking on too much to drop some later
because i'm afraid that if i take on too little
i will never pick up more.

we get comfortable in the groves of laziness
and little pokes & prods
a new job
a new club
a new hobby
disrupt our current of ease,
only for the water
to roll over the broken surface
& smooth the stones
of change
allowing the flow
of idleness
to continue.

anger.
so concentrated
so focused
so burning blue
boils inside of me
from time to time.

how do i
put out
the fire?

s-t-r-e-t-c-h.
where are my flexible muscles?
bend with the winds
accept unexpected turns
ease into the disruptions
& setbacks

rather than stand
rigid
alone.

arms wide open
to welcome
others
under my wing
to lean
on a friend
in times of need
to adjust
my sails
in times of change

please
r
e
l
a
x.

whisper
your worries
to the dolls
& tuck them
safely
under
your pillow

allow the darkness of night
& the brightness of day
to carry them out into the universe
& free your mind
to the possibility
of every waking moment.

life is so beautiful. enjoy it.

ain't got room for that!

so I have
1 suitcase
1 backpack
& 1 duffelbag.

I'm really gonna do my best to leave the emotional baggage behind this time around [for good].

goals for 2011 (subject to change)

new years resolution:
do what you love
& fuck the rest
(littlemisssunshine)


alaska (&life) specific:
- join a yoga studio
- learn to cook (or survive off of cereal)
- learn to grocery shop (I imagine it'll be much more difficult when there's more than 2 options; beans or potatoes)
- take pictures, naturally
- read!
- become a hiker; one of those people who lives to hike & hikes to live
- camp (no bears!)
- see Alaska
- get a second job in a friendly mom&pop diner or cafe (to afford yoga class & meet locals)
- get a bike during the warmer months
- get comfortable with the cold
- get comfortable with being alone
- become a good penpal again

half the sky

Organizations supporting women:
(ideas for the future)

Family Care International - works to improve the maternal health, primarily in Africa, Latin America & the Caribbean.
www.familycareintl.org

Heal Africa - runs a hospital in Goma, Congo, that repairs fistulas & tends to rape victims. Welcomes volunteers.
www.healafrica.org

Pathfinder International - supports reproductive health in more than 25 countries
www.pathfind.org

Self Employed Women's Association (SEWA) - is a huge union for poor, self-employed women in India. Accepts volunteers.
www.sewa.org

Tostan - one of the most successful organizations in overcoming female genital cutting in Africa. Accepts interns.
www.tostan.org

*Women for Women International - connects women sponsors with needy women in conflict or post-conflict countries
www.womenforwomen.org

a "path" in my head:
- move to Anchorage
- Americorps//I'm not sure yet about my placement & won't be until I get there and interview.

Several places have expressed interest in interviewing me, the 2 that I am most excited about are:
AWAIC (Abused Women's Aid in Crisis) - a shelter for women where I would be their career service specialist (helping women to search for jobs, create resumes & submit applications)
&
Anchorage's Promise - where I would be a Youth Services Co-Coordinator where I would help with the development and coordination of the VolunTeen Program as well as provide support for MAJOR events (15-20,000 people) such as Kids Day & Global Youth Service Day


I am particularly interested in serving with Anchorage's Promise because
1. I love the idea of helping to get kids excited about volunteering and
2. in the future, I am considering going to grad school for a MSW (Masters in Social Work).
- Practice Method: Community Organization
- Practice Area: Children & Youth in Families and Society (or) Comminty & Social Systems (or) Health
I'd really love to specialize in community development or something along those lines and I think that helping to coordinate an event like Global Youth Service Day that demonstrates that I already have experience with community development would be a huge plus!

so there's that.
2011 - Americorps in Anchorage
2012 - again? earn even more money for grad school?
2013 - UofM school of Social Work
2014 - UofM school of Social Work

IF I go to UofM, I want to be in this program:
Global Activities Scholars Program
Approximately six incoming students will be selected each year to complete a global field placement during the spring/summer term. The purpose of the program is to provide students committed to global social work practice an opportunity to live in a foreign country while completing a part of their field placement requirement.
(http://www.ssw.umich.edu/finaid/msw/GASP.html)

THEN
I'd love to get a job somewhere with one of the above listed organizations, or find a different one that suits my interests OR start my own.

..just thoughts in my head..

8 january 2011

today in Anchorage:
sunrise 10:07am
sunset 4:06pm

nothing but sunshine in the 10 day forecast!